CURSED

I have a problem... I'm not sure you'd understand. It's Summer Time and I can't swim. I can't swim but I love the ocean. We are not taught to swim, instead we are told "When you are ready it will come to you." So I either fall too deep in it or I don't go near it. I used to think that if I learned how not to die from drowning, I might learn how to swim. All I learned is how much I could take in the pain without falling apart. And no matter how much I wanted to die, a part of me just kept struggling to live, and not to leave. I would stay drowning in the ocean, unwanted. Trying to learn how to swim across, unsuccessful. I have always had two alternatives, drown or don't swim.

I have not been into the ocean in recent times. I might never be ready for it. But I can't stay away from it. I need the ocean. So yeah, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I stuck around it. I never went near enough. I said things about it to make others who were about to go in smile. I'm not sure if I meant any of those things. But I'm the only one around the ocean that's not looking to go in. I have to make it look like I don't really care. But by the time all my friends are in the ocean, I get lonely. Very lonely. But I wish I could swim like they can. I'd be deep in by now. Well, I don't need them, or the stupid ocean.

I haven't told you my problem yet.

-Twinless Gemini.